there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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