Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
