I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You have to summon your inner elephant
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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