White coat. Heels.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
