Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
