i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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