Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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