Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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