break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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