Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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