ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
