I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
