she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
