The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
