Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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