Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
