watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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