I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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