Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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