We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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