I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
