He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
