my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
