A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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