There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I wish you could order shots online.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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