I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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