I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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