chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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