where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
