oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
