You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
