He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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