I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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