Soap is not a condiment
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
