u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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