so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
