My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
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