you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
