Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
