Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
