the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
