...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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