I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
