I showed him my bush... on skype.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
