I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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