I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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