It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
