i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
