you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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