HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
