if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
